You probably have a vision of yourself in the future. Maybe this involves dating a smokin' hottie, maybe it involves having a rotation of many women, or maybe it's to just have a girlfriend. Whatever your goals may be, the ability to approach is the bridge that will connect you towards that point. It's a bridge that will bring you towards a life of fun and excitement that most guys will never have. It's a bridge that will can transform you into the confident man you've always wanted to be. Listed below are the top 21 pointers I've learned over the years on approaching women that will help you cross this bridge towards your new future.
1. Get Out Of The House. I hate to break it to you, but sitting at home watching Family Guy isn't going to get you any closer towards having an actual girlfriend. In order to truly acquire this skill set, you HAVE to get out in the real world and practice an ASS-ton. At the VERY least, you should be approaching 1 girl per day. This could be out at the bars, on your lunch break at work or at the grocery store when you're picking up milk. It doesn't matter where you meet women as long as you are out of the house actually doing it.
2. Have Fun All Day. You know how you always hear that women are attracted to fun, positive, confident men? Women can sense your vibe INSTANTLY when you approach. If you seem like a cool dude, she's going to be open to talking to you. If not she's immediately going to give you the "who the hell are you" face. A lot of guys believe they can just turn the fun guy inside of them when they're out meeting and approaching women. The reality is you can't fake this stuff. You have to be that guy ALL the time. This means when you're with your family, dealing with the sales clerk and grocery store, or in a meeting at work. The vibe about you when you're NOT with women always transfers over to your vibe when you ARE with women. This is something you have to work on 24/7/365.
3. Everyone Has Approach Anxiety. If you get that crippling feeling in the pit of your stomach when you see a woman you want to approach, I want to congratulate you on meeting your new best friend! You and that feeling are going to spend a WHOLE lot of time with each other so get used to it. EVERY guy that is successful with women has those feelings. The reason why they have an abundance of women in their life is because they just don't pay too much attention to it when it creeps up and they don't let it stop them from approaching women.
4. Approach The First Woman You See. One of THE best ways to get rid of your approach anxiety is to not give it the chance to creep up in the first place. As soon as you enter the venue, approach the first girl you see. I don't care if she's fatter than Missy Elliot or has a striking resemblance to Charles Barkley, just freakin' approach. Once you get the first one out of the way, the large majority of your nerves will miraculously disappear.
5. Give Your Friend Money. If for any reason you can't bring yourself to approach, the almighty dollar is the great motivator in getting your motors running. Give however much money you absolutely CANNOT afford to lose and tell your buddy he can't give it back to you unless you approach x amount of women. Although those women creatures seem impossible to approach, they will seem VERY approachable if you need to pay rent at the end of the month.
6. Don't Procrastinate. Procrastination will kick your ass in this game. It's funny whenever I go out with guys and we see a girl they should approach, their bladders manages to always be full and they NEED to go to the bathroom. Or they always manage to be thirsty so they NEED to get a drink. Or they're just so darn interested in the venue, so they'll do a couple laps around the place before attempting to approach. At the end of the night the only woman they've talked to was the bartender after she gives them their bill. Don't be that type of guy. When you're out, don't put off the very thing you know you should be doing. Approaching becomes exponentially harder each minute that you put it off so don't give yourself excuses not to.
7. Go Rapid Fire. One of THE best ways to turbo charge your state is to go rapid fire with your approaches. I'm talking about approaching up to 30 women in less than an hour. You might begin the night nervous and shy but with each approach, a bit of those feelings will melt right off you. You'll gain confidence with each and every woman you talk to and by the time you know it, your game is on FIRE. If you are with a buddy, have him literally point at each and every girl for you to approach. When he points, don't think. Just go...
8. It Doesn't Matter What You Open With. In truth, the content of what you say has VERY little to do with how successful your approaches go. I've walked up to girls and given the most elaborate opinion openers in the world and it goes horribly. Then I'll walk up to another group of girls and just say "Hey I'm Tony, what's up?" and they'll light up with glee. The success of your approaches are dictated by your overall vibe. If you're a nervous wreck, gold can shoot from your mouth and it wouldn't matter. If you're a fun, laid-back and confident dude, you can open with ANYTHING and women will greet you positively. So don't get too worked over what to say, just say anything...
9. Start With Situational. If you're feeling pretty nervous, situational openers are the best way route to take. This is because they are SUPER low risk and no woman can shoot you down. For example, when you're walking down the street and see a cutie that you're scared to walk up to, just ask her if she knows if there is an ATM around. If you're in a bar, just ask if she knows who sings the songs that playing on the speakers.
10. Transition To Opinion. Once you've opened a few girls with situational openers and a bit of nerves have gone away, then you can move to opinion openers. This is when you ask a girl's opinion about a particular subject. The key with opinion openers is to ask a question you GENUINELY want to get their opinion on. Don't ask a lame question that you read on a seduction forum. If women can sense you are authentic about it, they will be open to letting you know their opinion.
11. Transition To Direct. Once you have done a few opinion openers, try moving towards going direct. This is when you don't beat around the bush and show your intentions from the get go. With direct openers, they are the highest risk, yet the highest reward. A HUGE amount of attraction will build up if you can pull it off. I like to keep it simple so I'll usually say "Hey my name is Tony. You looked cool I just had to say hi."
12. Smile. Smiling is a tiny little tweak that can sometimes make the difference in a woman being open to talk with you. You have to immediately convey that you are a fun, warm, and most importantly non-threatening guy when approaching women. A simple smile takes care of all this.
13. Keep Your Body Loose. Body language communicates so much how you're feeling inside. When you're closed off and tight it's like plastering a sign over your head that reads "I'M SCARED OF YOU." Show her how alpha you are by erecting your spine, keeping your chin up, loosening up your shoulders and most importantly leaning your body back a bit.
14. Talk Through The Women. Voice is another one of those aspects that dictates most of your success in this game. Yes it is THAT important. Like body language, a person can learn so much about you when they hear your voice. The mistake I see guys make is they talk WAY too soft which sub-communicates you are low value to the woman. Therefore, speak to the woman with the same loudness and tone as if she was standing 7 feet away from you. As a mentor of mine once said "Don't talk to the women. Talk through the women."
15. Remove Nervous Gestures. Often times when guys are nervous, their bodies will show this to the woman without them even realizing it. This ranges from swaying your body, repetitive movements of your hands, legs and arms, twitching, and generally WAY too much movement of the body. HUGE turnoff so if you're doing anything like this. So eradicate these from your life immediately.
16. Eye Contact Is Key. Along with voice and body language, a woman will instantly make a judgement call about you based upon your eye contact. Not being able to hold eye contact with her shows you're intimidated. Yuck! So it's important to keep your eye contact nice and steady with hers. Here's the caveat: laser focused eye contact where you are practically burning her retina off will creep the bejesus out of her. Therefore you want to keep eye contact with the woman about 70% of the time.
17. Focus On Offering Value. Most guys will approach a woman trying to yank a particular outcome from her. They BADLY want a phone number, a date, or even something as subtle as a positive reaction towards their opener. Women can smell an agenda from a mile away and become instantly repelled by it. So don't worry so much about what you can get from her. Shift your focus more towards how you can offer value. You should always feel like you've improved the woman's day after the two of you part ways.
18. No Way Out Rule. Once you approach, keep the interaction going as long as possible. What many guys tend to do is IMMEDIATELY run away once they approach the woman. Many other guys will pee their pants and want to leave when there are any silences or breaks in the conversation. You're not going to get anywhere with the woman if you don't continue the interaction. Trust me, I was there at one point. 1 minute can feel like 1 hour when you've walked up to a complete stranger and feel like you're taking up their time. A great rule to abide by is the "No Way Out Rule" which is continuing an interaction until she either tells you to leave, or leaves herself.
19. Have Fun With Your Friends. When you're in a bar/club/shopping mall and you can't find women to approach, in the meantime have fun hanging out with your friends. The LAST person you want to be is the creep standing off to the side glaring at new women to hunt. Let me ask you a question. If you can't even have a good time with your buddy, how the heck are you going to have a good time when talking to the woman? Again, how you act and feel when you're not with women transfers over to how you act and feel when you ARE with women. Be the cool guy all the time.
20. Don't Think About Approaching. If you begin to go out and work on this stuff regularly, one thing that will tend to happen is you'll have a CONSTANT urge to approach women. This can be beneficial because it motivates you to take action. However, this mentality can KILL your game when you are actually talking to women. It will leave you frazzled, antsy, anxious and always feeling the need to DO something. These are all traits that women are turned off by. So although you should be approaching... RELAX. When this urge takes away your ability to be be a chill dude, then ease off the accelerator a bit.
21. Small Chunk It. I know I've listed a plethora of approaching women tips in this article and after reading it you might feel overwhelmed. It's A LOT to take in, I know. On top of that, we're just talking about approaching. Once we get into all the other aspects of game it can sometimes feel like your head is about to explode. It's important to small chunk this stuff. It's impossible to work on this stuff all at once. So just take 1 point and work on that until you have it down. Once that happens, take on another point. Be patient, keep at it and eventually you'll have internalized the whole list.
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