If you are looking for a relationship, you're sure to come across many types of men, dating experiences and potential love matches. However, what if the man you just met seems to be your perfect soul mate but...
... there is a problem. He is separated and not yet divorced?
Now what?
Should you pursue the relationship and take the risk for the sake of what could be love, or should you
walk away? The choice is, of course, entirely yours, but chances are that the relationship will be greatly challenging and unlikely to work for a number of reasons:
1. Lack of Commitment: The man you just met might be looking for some attention and affection, yet he may not be looking for a relationship. As much as he may love having someone around, most men (and women) fresh out of a marriage are not ready for a deeply intimate kind of love.
Most people in the separation period are laden with pressure that can come from many angles, which leaves him with little time and/orhead and heart space for a new commitment.
2. Meet the Problems: He may not be financially independent, he may have unresolved emotional triggers and fears associated with a rough ending of the past relationship; he may have kids and the worst: a disgruntled ex-wife. You will have to be ready to face all these problems, which, in most cases, is not what people want when looking for loving relationships.
3. He is... Married: The big question is; is it really over? What you can't forget is that, legally and formally, he is still married. So you will be technically dating someone who is married to another person here may be a lot of alternative reasons for him not being divorced, in many cases there tends to be some unresolved issues, or there may still be some lingering hope the past relationship will recover and return to how it was.
In other words, there is not enough readiness to end the previous relationship, formally, and move forward.
Of course, he/they may be waiting for the 12 or 24 month separation period to end before they can finalize the divorce. Either way, it's important that you're aware of his situation (no matter how much he cares for you or you care for him, sometimes the timing works against you).
4. He's band-aiding: Further to the above points, he's just looking for a "substitution pill" to try to forget the last relationship. He feels down in himself and is looking for someone else to lift his spirit. This happens too often and it is the cause for love disappointments all over the globe. Loving relationships need mindfulness and vulnerability to develop, and if he's not loving himself then how can he love you?
5. Jealousy: One of the most common problems in this type of situation - when the man ends the relationship - is that his ex will get angry when he finds someone else.
Well, we all know how this goes and the scenarios that will cross her mind.
For you, this can result in pressure from her side and even scandalous events caused by an infuriated ex-wife.
These are just some of the main reasons why you should avoid dating a man who is separated and not divorced. Surely there are cases of success, but also many others that tell a story of pain and broken hearts. Furthermore, these problems may affect your relationship right from the beginning, making it crumble in just a few months.
My best dating advice for the woman who wants to take this risk, and you think that what you have with this guy is the real thing, then put some effort into it, and be ready for what's to come. At the same time there is a big difference between a man who ready for love and commitment, and one who's looking for a shoulder to cry on.
The trickiest part about this is that often when someone is emotionally drained and wanting love, sometimes they actually don't know what they want and therefore can't articulate to the person they're with where they are at. This is why it's important when we're dating a separated person that we are the ones who are clear on what we want...
The truth is; every situation is different, therefore his actions will tell you how available he is to you. Pay attention to this.
My dating advice to you is to be wise with your heart and be clear about what's a healthy loving connection and what's not for you.
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